A lot of people seem to like these pirate jokes… …but I’m just not hooked.

Why is Barbie’s boyfriend afraid of commitment? He’s a chic Ken.

Why did it take so long for the postie to deliver the missing jigsaw piece? He had a bit of a puzzle in his hands

I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 shades of grey. Like the one where she gets a job right after college

Sometimes I like to freak my husband out by asking where this relationship is going.

INTERVIEWER: what’s your greatest strength? ME: shape shifting INTERVIEWER: is that so? INTERVIEWER: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit

Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer….. It never gets old.

A man walks into a bar and is immediately disqualified from the Limbo World Championships.

I’m going to change my name to Benny Fitz…so when people add me on Facebook, it will say;..You are now friends with Benny Fitz.