I’ve heard making the perfect salad can be pretty difficult… Not exactly **rocket** science though, is it?

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb 2 to turn the ladder and 17 to be on the guest list.

“It’s a bird! It’s a plane!” – my 3 year old niece, excited as hell over some basic shit.

When I see a couple fighting I like to walk up to the one who’s more pissed off and whisper “We can make it look like a suicide” and wink

Why is it called a “litter” of puppies ? Because they mess up the whole house !

How did the black guy get his pilot’s license? He went to flight school, you racist bastards.

I like my coffee like I like my women. . . from the corner of the street and I’m not willing to pay more than $2.40

What is the difference between Harry potter and jews? Harry potter made it out if the chamber

What do you call a truck with only five Mexican passengers? Under capacity

What did socialists use before candles? Light bulbs.