I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.

I have the greatest dad ever Every year he got so mad when Santa didn’t bring me presents

A man using Apple maps walks into a bar… Or maybe it was a hospital? Or possibly a church?

What do characters at Disney World and strippers have in common? No touching!

Terrible Chemistry Joke Timmy was a Chemist But now he is no more What he thought was H2O Was H2SO4

“What an ugly baby,” I said, much more audibly than intended.

What’s the difference between U-Haul and Youtube? People are’nt happy for you when you get loads of hits on your U-Haul.

A golfer to his caddy: ‘How would you have played that last shot, caddy?’ ‘Under an assumed name.’

My father always told me “Son, you are what you eat”. Guess i’m a dick.

Volunteer me to do something without checking with me first so I know whose mailbox to leave the dead squirrel in.