ME: I hate the Kentucky Derby. You get all dressed up and excited and the whole thing only lasts 15 seconds WIFE: Oh is that right

I just saw a gang fight. One gang claimed that grease is the word, and the other said that bird is the word. I think eight guys were killed.

Why did the bee go to the doctor? Because he had hives.

What do you call a patella that sleeps around too much? Whore knee

A developer tried to pull weeds out of his garden… …but he didn’t have root access.

NEED HELP I’m in a situation that could require me to pull out some good jokes when asked. I need to hear the best jokes on the internet. The dirtier the better. Thanks in advance

What do you call a five year old with no friends? [dark] A sandy hook survivor

Discovering a clever way to cut the character count of a tweet. Th@.

LPT: How to get out of murder/manslaughter charges. Become a police officer.

I served baby rabbit this evening. It got over the net, but there was practically no bounce.