A skeleton walks into a bar… And tells the bartender, “I’ll have a beer, and a mop.”

I asked God for a bike… … but then realized that is not how God works. So I stole some kid’s bike and asked God for forgiveness.

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train? Because they’re poor conductors! (I know they’re called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

Statistics show that most Canadians are nosey. They do, however, say “zed”.

What kind of shoes do Frogs wear? Open Toad sandals… I’ll show myself out – thank you

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.

What is Force equal to? Double penetration, with respect to time. (F=dp/dt) I’ll see myself out

Instead of the standard 140, people should only be allowed as many characters as they have IQ points.

[M] What’s the hardest part of owning a cat? Telling your parents you’re gay.

Don’t waste electricity. Would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?