How are spinach and anal sex alike? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you probably won’t like it as an adult

I can’t believe how many people don’t know the opposites of these words – always – coming – from – take – me – down

My friend told me a joke about a clock last week and today I finally got it… It’s about time.

My wife bought a bunch of cheap camping supplies from a garage sale. This shall be known as the Summer of my Discount Tent.

What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing…they were both stuck up cunts.

My wife’s starsign was cancer, which makes how she died pretty ironic. Attacked by a giant crab.

I didn’t think my doctor could fix my bowed legs. I stand corrected.

I wear dresses to work so it takes me less time to use the loo so people won’t think I’m pooping. So yeah, I’d say I’m pretty professional.

The difference between oral and anal thermometers? The taste.

A famous pornstar died yesterday. My penis was at half-mast.