How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house. Edit: Thanks for all the awesome comments. I can’t keep up!

“There’s a guy that jumped off the Pont Neuf!” He must be in Seine.

The only time a woman succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby

The people in the room next door are definitely just furiously making their bed. Nothing more. NOTHING MORE.

What did Eric say to his classmates on the last day of school? “Do you believe in God?”

[reads chocoholic on tinder bio] Mmm I love chocolate, too [reads workaholic] I work a lot as well [reads catholic] I also am a cat addict

So, where does the captain keep his armies? In his sleevies!! ( )

How to win the war on drugs 1) legalize all drugs. 2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service.

What plant attacks people? An Ambush 😉

I poured my root beer into a square cup Now I just have beer