Why did the cold war last so long? The US couldn’t stop Stalin.

My sex life is just like Star Wars It’s either Han Solo, or I have to use force.

A man walks up to three old ladies. He flashes them his penis. The first two ladies immediatly had a stroke. The third one didn’t dare touch it.

What do the weather in England and a Muslim have in common? It’s either Sunni or Shiite.

How much did it cost the pirate to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

Your ass must get jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth!

“Annie are you ok?” -yep “Are you ok?” -dude, I just said yes “Are you ok Annie?” -THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS MICHAEL

What’s the #1 thing that pisses off redditors? You’re grammar

Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn’t fix your face.

I keep a picture of a dragon fighting a helicopter in my wallet, in case the police ask to see my license for awesome.