Why Asians are good at everything? Because they’re Asians, not Bsians

me: [trying to pronounce gnocchi] “gnocc gnocc-” waiter: “who’s there? haha” me: “this isn’t a joke son”

What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel!

The average married couple has sex 68 times a year. I should be pretty busy the next couple weeks.

“When I think of you, there are some capital gains in my pants.” – sexy accountant pickup lines

I try to tell good jokes… …but they always come out a little funny.

A sniper looks over a large crowd of people from his hidden perch. Over his earpiece, he is told to fire at will. He carefully spots his target, and shoots. “Crap, that wasn’t Will.”

Humpty Dumpty had a good Summer… But he had a *great* Fall!

Why was Saint Peter so good at basketball? He denied Jesus 3 times

Yo momma is so fat She’s dead.