Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

Why did Tigger look down the toilet? To find Pooh!

There are 3 types of people in this world.. ..Those who can count, and those who can’t.

I tried using self deprecating humor But I’m not any good at it.

Pot could probably use one more name… how about wizard parsley?

Where do Chicago football fans buy engagement rings? De Beers

Luke Skywalker and Yoda are on a ride when… **Luke**: *Are we on the right course, Master Yoda?*. **Yoda**: *Off course we are*.

Q: What’s the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can’t mosquito.

After much consideration, I do not believe Wolverine in the X-Men movies is real. It’s obviously just a huge act, man.

INTERVIEWER: How would you define yourself? ME: *don’t let her know you’re a delicious chocolate cake* Moist