People ask me what I’m really into these days. I tell them “debt.”

This is yr brain. This is yr brain on drugs. *turns page* This is yr brain on the beach at Cancun! Awwww, yr brain on yr honeymoon. *turns p

Historically speaking, tanning under the sun first began in France during the bronzage.

Apparently “I’ll break your god damn legs” isn’t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.

What’s the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? There’s twenty of them

I say we take all the bad chemistry jokes and Barium

My girlfriend got a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh… …and if I put my ear against it I can smell the ocean

Literally nothing has had less of an impact towards changing my life than that inspirational quote you posted on social media.

Why did the blonde stuff 98 berries in her mouth They were cramberries.

My biggest fear of Hurricane Sandy is that i’ll lose power and can’t Facebook