Ever hear about the farmer who bought a tractor with no seat and no steering wheel? Apparently he lost his ass and had no place to go…..

some people are like slinkys They really aren’t good for anything but it feels great when you push them down the stairs.

“Did you sign the nondisclosure agreement?” “To not disclose what?” “So I guess you DID sign the agreement!”

[An old thermometer breaks scattering mercury beads all over the floor] “Get out of here, NOW!” “Why?” “HAVEN’T U SEEN TERMINATOR 2?”

DirecTV/Spongebob Joke Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don’t know I have DirecTV.

Damn girl, you must be a moped Because I love riding you but I’d be extremely embarrassed if any of my friends saw me on you

Just once I want to see a marathon winner cross the finish line and immediately fire up a cigarette.

What do you call a polygon on viagra? An Erectangle

whats brown and sticky? a stick!

Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases it is damned near impossible.