What quality does Elon Musk look for in a woman? He just wants her to be down to Mars

When will Cameron stop fucking with the system? when pigs fly

So a Mexican sneaks across the border into America And the border patrol officer says “Oh no not again”

Me: Whatcha doin? 12yo: Catching up on Walking Dead. Me: Did Hershel die yet? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Guess not.

Did you hear the one about Gilgamesh? It was epic.

What’s the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.

Did you hear about the monster who sent his picture to a lonely hearts club? They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely!

Whenever you’re feeling down and out, just remember that there’s people walking around with Twilight tattoos.

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as a choirboy.

Why are women called bitches? Because they both run after sticks and balls.