My wife complained that the Land’s End catalog was showing too much camo print this season… I replied: lots of people are suddenly into camo, but I just don’t see it.

It’s easier to get away with stealing someone’s stroller if you’re dressed as a jogger.

[dog park] Dog: omg I just found out I’m adopted Other Dogs: [barking in shock]

Why do Mexicans eat so many beans? Because they’re versatile, a good value, and contain lots of protein you racist fuck.

a fun prank is when ur friemd about to sit in a chair u pul the chair out from under them and replace it w/ a fancier mor comfortabal chair

You know what they say about a guy with… big hands and big feet? 2 out of 3

Did you hear Prince’s sister is inheriting his estate? There’s just one problem… She’s just like their mother, so she’s never satisfied.

Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive? She was a woman

What is Klaus Teuber’s (designer of Settlers of Catan) favorite TV show? Brick and Orety

I hate spelling errors… You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.