If a rapper named e came out as gay He would say E=MCQUEERED

If you ever see a ghost DO NOT put a sheet over your head and make noises. They find it offensive.

How do you stop a dog who’s humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.

I hate when people ask where I think I’ll be in five years I don’t have 2020 vision.

Went to dinner with a recovering alcoholic vegan who just quit smoking. Everything entering or leaving my mouth was offensive #WorstDateEver

SCIENTIST: it’s our thinnest toilet paper yet, sir. less than a picometer CEO: *rips it by breathing on it* put it in every public restroom

Freedom of speech only means you can’t be jailed for it. You still have to be accountable for what comes out of your stupid, bigoted face.

Why don’t the Germans care about the word, ‘nichts’? It means nothing to them.

Yo mama so fat She’s a reddit admin

A pig with a cold is called… pigachu!