What did the baker say when he saw the beautiful woman? “I think I’m in loaf.” Ba dum, tss.

Trump: The less immigrants we bring in the better’ …. …. …. ….. Pence: The fewer’ …. …. …. Trump: I told you not to call me that yet’

Lawyer: did your boyfriend commit the crime? Girlfriend: honey he can’t even commit to this relationship Entire jury: OH SNAP

I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket

So Batman is flying around metropolis looking for crime when… Superman walks up and is all like, “hey motherfucker, what the fuck?” Sorry, it’s Halloween. 😉

IF JFK taught me one thing… The best way to clear your head is to take a ride in your car.

I’ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don’t talk to me about dedication!

Why is the next Windows version 10? Because 7 8 9

Sometimes, I like to drink and play guitar…

What’s a Chinese dentist’s favorite time? Tooth Hurty