In order to say you’re “born again” you should have to spend a week on a cross or 9 months in a vat of amniotic fluid.

Not an Ostragoth Pun What do you call a Goth who has a great credit score? A Visa-Goth!

Dentist: I’m going to take your tooth out Me: Ok then [later that evening] Dentist: Well this is nice My tooth: I’m having a lovely time

Why do Retirees smile all the time? Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!

How many SEC football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1. And they get 3 credits for it.

After weeks of being called lazy, not only did I put up all our Christmas decorations today, I also took them down.

Just thought of this cheesy joke… Who betrayed Cheesus Christ? Goudas.

A job interview is like a first date. You dress up, pretend to be someone else and spend the time wondering if you’re going to get screwed.

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?

I’m thankful my wife harvested over $100,000 in potatoes on Farmville while I ate a grilled cheese for dinner & am sleeping on dirty laundry