The cops say I have to stop trying to fist fight the guy who tries to feed my house letters everyday.

Yesterday at a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little. “Nervous?” asked the interviewer I replied, “No, I always give 110%”

The year is 2020. Hip hop has fully merged with dubstep, creating the genre of music known as Dubhop. All hope for mankind is lost

When I was young, at bedtimes… My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess.

Why did the Ethiopian cry when he opened up a read only document? It wasn’t editable.

Anxiety: making it impossible to tell the difference between a minor problem and a catastrophe since the development of the frontal lobe!

I never thought I’d meet the man of my dreams while I was out running errands in sweat pants with no make-up on. And I was right

How many prostitutes can you kill before the FBI gets involved? Asking for a friend.

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? “Juan”

I just violently threw up for 6 minutes and now my coworkers think I’m the lead singer of Creed.