A mushroom walks into a bar… A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says “whoa there, little guy! Didn’t you see the sign? No mushrooms allowed!” The mushroom says “why not?! I’m a fun guy!”

What did the pig say on a hot summer day? I’m bacon!

A motorist runs over a woman. Who’s to blame? The motorist. He really shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)

Did you hear about the guy who threw a tree at Donald Trump? He missed; I guess you really can’t stump the Trump.

“Apparently I wasn’t clear the first time that I want exactly two joules per second in my ass” “I said watt watt in the butt.”

Where did ants originally come from? ant-arctica

Asian gangs, also known as study groups..

Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

[trying to buy pants] Clerk: Sir you need pants to shop here.

I have the heart of a lion And a lifetime ban from the local zoo