Came with our Christmas cracker Q: Did you hear about the man who stole the advent calendar? A: He got 25 days.

Why is 88 better than 69? Because you get ate twice.

I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. She keeps screaming some other guy’s name when we have sex. Let’s just hope I never come across this guy “rape” in a dark alley.

What did the white man do at the club? Pout while all the colored folk were bumpin and grinding with all the fine white bitches

What did the Nazi doctor tell his fully dilated patient.? Just one more putsch.

I told my parents I wanted a panda for christmas. all I got was a white x6

A dead person, a 2 year old, and a thot are all asked to count to ten. Which one can do it? It’s the thot that counts.

Can’t shake this headache. Perhaps the shaking isn’t helping

I realized today that my bed sheets are covered in layers of dead skin cells. It’s okay though, I’m comfortable in my own skin.

I got my dog from an orphanage like, two years ago. Those orphans STILL hold a grudge.