Some people don’t like telling the truth, others don’t like hearing it.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. We’re very efficient and not very humorous

What kind of sex do boring people have? Banal.

I surveyed 50 women on what hair product they used in the shower. I never knew there was a brand called “how the hell did you get in here?!’

If I had to list one thing I’m truly outstanding at I think it would be ripping open resealable bags so they are no longer sealable.

I rang a gym yesterday and asked them if they could teach me to do the splits “How flexible are you?” they asked “Well I can’t do Tuesday’s”

Why are lazy farmers so great? Because they are just out standing in their fields.

What is the first question you ask a baby cow, after its gotten over an illness? How are you vealing?

I asked my North Korean friend how it was to live in North Korea He said he couldn’t complain

A girl told me to come over… A girl told me, “Come over, nobody’s home.” I went over, nobody was home. (Rodney Dangerfield)