If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!

Babies are like farts. We only like our own.

A duck walks into a pharmacy grabs a tube of lipstick, puts it on the counter and the cashier says “that’ll be $3.50. The duck says “just put it on my bill”

What did the male cheerleader say when he had to leave in the middle of a routine? “Catch ya later!”

I keep a banana in my pocket just in case, because I’m really not glad to see anybody.

If bullshit could float…you’d be the Admiral of the fleet!

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog? Out, out, damned Spot!

What do you call a black with no arms? Trustworthy.

In a recent court case, the defendant was charged with smuggling bombs inside of living cows… …Upon hearing this, one of the jurors cried out, “Abominable!” (A bomb in a bull)

What do you call a gummy bear with no teeth? 😀