What’s the strongest letter in the alphabet? ***P*** Even Superman can’t hold it.

How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew!

“Sound the alarm!” “Dude, there’s no way that thing will fit.”

I judge every book by its cover: “Too smart for me” is what I say and then look at Twitter on my phone.

What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? Fucks funny

What’s Obama’s Favorite TV Show? Game of Drones

The word of the day is “Legs.” Spread the word!

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because “The Sum of All Fears” is the name of Chuck Norris’ autobiography.

A ‘Jim’s Dozen’ is 11, because I take one for myself.

No one in traffic ever catches me eatin boogers cause u all textin and drivin