What do you call a cow with no eyes? A cow.

[sees fly] Hmm… I think I’ll name this creature “Fly.” [sees bird] GODDAMMIT

My wife is all, “we love each other so much we finish each other’s sentences,” until it comes to a prison sentence.

What do you call a deer with no eye? GoodMorning! NO IDEAR!

A faster than light neutrino! Knock Knock! Who’s there? New. New who?

The saddest joke I’ve heard My wife ran off with my best friend… Now, when I throw the stick, it just lays there.

I am Buzz Aldrin; The second man to walk on the moon. Neil before me.

Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? Because it ain’t murder if they had it comin’!

Why does Mel Gibson never order a French Dip at a restaurant? Because it comes with Au Jus.

NASA is planning to lasso an asteroid and bring it to the moon? I was unaware NASA had hired Wile E. Coyote to plan their missions.