What do you call a dog with no legs It doesn’t matter that son of a bitch still won’t come when u call it

What do you call it when a waiter at an internet cafe gets your order wrong? 500 Internal Server Error

Drinking alcohol before pregnancy can cause pregnancy.

Yo momma so stupid She thinks NIckleback is a refund.

Can’t believe my daughter said I was embarrassing her by trying to be cool. She needs to check the tude & stop being so wiggity wiggity wack

Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? Because the parrots eat them all

A guy walks into a burn ward… and he says “hey, you with the face!”

You know you’re getting old when you scroll down the birthday drop down menu … And it starts going into Roman Numerals.

Either I just stepped in dog shit or the stench of my parent’s disappointment has started following me around.

I’m not schizophrenic, but he is (points at nothing)