My favorite joke from tonight’s debate “you have 2 minutes”

How do you get an 80 year old woman to say f***? Have another 80 year old woman yell “bingo!”

“Grapey.” -me after every wine at the wine-tasting

EA just announced this amazing FIFA 16 feature – player is now able to run from the FBI

I told a man I was voting third party He said, “That’s wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump” “Simple,” I replied, “I’d pick the bullet.”

Interviewer: “Why do you want this job?”Me: “I’ve just always been very passionate about not starving to death.”

What’s the difference between how black men treat their beer and their children? If a black man asks you to hold his beer, you can be sure that he’ll come back for it.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don’t, they just shoot the room for being black.

What is the difference between Christmas music and Kobe Bryant? Christmas music will still be playing next year.

A woman walks into a beauty salon and asks the beautician, can you make me look like Kim Kardashian? Beautician says: you want me to put a black cock in your mouth?