If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that’s still a sports injury, right?

Forget everything you learn… ‘Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.’ ‘But I never went to college.’ ‘Well then, I’m sorry. You are underqualified to work here.’

Scientists discovered a kind of dinosaur that could only see moving bodies. They named it ‘Doyouthinkitsaurus?’

What kind of bird is the best pornstar? A swallow.

Bodyguard Idea: Clowns. No one will come anywhere near you.

A very Fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk, ‘i would like to see a bikini that fits me’ Clerk…’me too’

They asked me earlier today what is beer made of Unfortunately I didn’t know the answer as I barley pay attention to those facts.

Round Sheep A farmer asked me “Can you help me round up my sheep?” I said “How many have you got?” He said “78” I said “we will call that 80!”

How did Mars feel when the colonists were approaching? Terra-fied.

When someone offers me constructive criticism, it’s clear they’ve mistaken me for someone else.