maybe ancient civilizations wouldn’t have died out if they’d built regular buildings instead of these dumb ruins

Can a ninja throw a star? Shur-he-can!

Michael Phelps won his 21st olympic gold medal. You could say he’s swimming in them!

How did the aquarium win the battle? Giant Fish Tanks.

If I was an origami penguin, where would I hide?

real men.. [twitches uncontrollably] don’t hi- [“real man” skin suit falls off revealing fake man who was the one doing bad stuff all along]

Got any spare change? No, Im an athiest. Can you give me a hand? No, Im an athiest. Hows the weather? Sorry, Im an athiest. – Athiests

Paula Deen reportably has type 2 diabeties. Any word on she’s serving it with butter?

Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he started it. Trying to get into small pants.

I wonder what will be bigger The video games of the future or the average Tumblr user