[Doctor’s Office] Seal: My flippers are sore. Killer Whale Doctor: Hmm interesting, swim a little closer into my jaws- I MEAN ONTO THE TABLE

Teacher to student: “Make a sentence using the word “I” Student: “I is..” Teacher: “No that is not correct, you should say I am” Student: “Ok. I am the ninth letter in the Alphabet”!

Why did the barber win the race? He knew a short cut.

I think I might stop cussing and get all religious and shit

What do you calla nosy pepper? Jalapeno business

A dyslectic man entered a Bra.

Did you just call me a boombox? Eugh that’s such a stereotype

I feel sorry for Anne Frank… First she gets her diary published, which is every girl’s worst nightmare, but on top of that she doesn’t get any money from it, which is every Jew’s worst nightmare.

Question: what is your best comeback to being called a motherf****r? examples: yes I did fuck your mom. Tell her hi. Tell her thanks for the crabs. Tell her I want the money she owes me.

Why don’t women blink during foreplay? They don’t have time.