Masturbation Sometimes I masturbate into my big pussy cat and jerk off into my computer

I had sex with Obama last night… And I’d just like to say, let’s dispel with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing!

A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.

Can a match box? No, but glass can.

I’m 43 yrs old and still buying pot at a mall parking lot. On the flip side, Mom is 70 and still selling it there.

If an Islamic man is murdered, what do you call it? A Muhommid-cide.

What’s green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? a pool table

“Ramen”. – Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer

In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.

My sister went on a crash diet. Is that why she looks a wreck ?