What do you call a naked baby horse? A Naked Neigh-kid

Daddy! I am hungry! I want to eat! You should be ashamed, son. When I was your age, I wanted to be an astronaut.

Yo mama is so hairy… …She doesn’t have a bush, she has a whole damn rain forest.

“IT’S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN” I yell while running in the opposite direction.

Sorry I can’t pay for a new car right now, I’m still paying off a Naked Juice I bought in 2014

I like my tea like I like my women…. Plain, dark and bitter!

Roman Centurion walks into a bar… …holds up two fingers and says, “I’ll have five beers, please.”

-Give it to me straight doc. -You’ll never walk again. -Now give it to me gay. -You’ll never stroll merrily down the boardwalk again.

I went on a date with a girl I met from twitter once. It didn’t work out, but he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.

Why doesn’t Hitler run a marathon? Because he can’t finish a race.