Don’t buy a low-quality mirror. It would reflect poorly on you.

Daughter: Mom, there’s a man outside. Me: Get the net!

I saw that Caitlin Jenner was missing… On the side of a half-and-half carton

Why does everyone like the KKK? Cause they’re the best!

Me: It’s late. I guess I’ll go to bed. -My brain, who up until now has always been the logical one “Let’s put up a tent in the living room”

Racism at its best Eeny meeny miney moe Catch a blacky by the toe If he holler make him pay By picking cotton for a day

What does a redneck and yeast have in common? They are both “in-bread” Downvote me to hell if you want. This is my only joke.

Someone asked me the other day, “What’s with those clogs you keep wearing?” I replied, “Wooden shoe like to know.”

Do you like Dragons? Cause I’m gunna be dragon these balls across your face!

What’s the difference between jam and marmalade? You can’t marmalade your dick up your girlfriend’s arse.