Why did the farmer sit on a cock ? Because he was gay.

What did the Computer Processor say when it was overclocked? It Hertz.

Adulthood is like the part in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy tries to runaway from her problems, but then SURPRISE, there is also a tornado.

Working on a screen play that involves zombies invading a prom. I’m calling it “Prom Nom Nom”

What do you call a drunk dinosaur? Staggersaurus.

Did you ever blow bubbles when you were a kid? Well I hear he’s back in town. Source: The Amazing Jeffery

Hitler arrives at the Pearly Gates… …and says to St Peter, “Sorry about the whole Jew thing.” St Peter replies, “You did your best.”

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

Next time the cashier asks me if I want “Paper or Plastic” I’m just gonna say, “Doesn’t matter to me, I’m bi-sacksual.”

[phone rings] Mum: your grandad isn’t well. I’m afraid he’s on his deathbed Me: well tell him to get in a different bed then