I think it’s unfair that when a human eats uncooked fish it’s “sushi,” but when a fish eats uncooked human, it’s “a shark attack.”

Handmade things always seem to sell for extra. Apparently that doesn’t apply to semen.

Where do cows go to hang out? The slaughterhouse. Emphasis on **hang**.

What’s Peter Pan’s brother’s name? Peter Pot. He gets so high he never lands.

In answer to the question “would you have sex with bill Clinton” 87 percent of Americans responded No. Not again

What does an Arab do after riding his camel? He has a cigarette!

A person wearing a ‘Snitches Get Stitches Shirt’ I walked up to him and asked him where he got it. He said, “At the local mall” I beat his ass up.

What is Ke$ha’s favorite candy? TicTac

My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means she can eat anything off the floor if she waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.

Bi-Polar People are not too bad 🙂 But Bi-Polar Bears are fucking crazy!