Learned from my 2yr old tonight that Jesus doesn’t like bananas. No word on cauliflower yet but pretty sure he’s not a fan.

Why do Mexicans make burritos? So they can unwrap something for Christmas!

Did you ever hear the story about how the moose died? It’s all a big moostery

Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons? Half of them are lyin’.

My sense of humor is so dark… …that it picks cotton.

Him: Why are you wrapping me up like a burrito & how did you find a tortilla this big? Me: Shhh! This is my fantasy & burritos don’t talk.

What do you call a cow that just had a baby? De-calf-inated

Go ahead, make up your own joke and think of it fondly as you read this.

Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push, into traffic.

What do you call a dog who digs up dinosaur bones? A Barkaeologist.