Occasionally, a true friend gives his paw not his hand…

How do you give a solipsist an existential crisis? You tell me.

Lock an astronomer in a basement… and they’ll go star craving mad.

My love life is like my video game I always play single player, and I can never find anyone who wants to play co-op

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair

YES! The receipts at CVS are very long. We know, they know, everybody knows!

Q: What side of the dog has the most fur? – A: The Outside.

Hello all, I have the ground type safari…Someone please add me, I’m looking for the older generation.

The number of “followers” you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.

Back-to-school tip for parents: while not explicitly forbidden, it is frowned upon to spray champagne on the hood of a departing school bus.