16yo [talking w friend]: fam that’s lit af, tell bae and the squad that it’s on fleek PARENT: *calls 911* i think my kid’s having a seizure

As a child, ‘The Jetsons’ gave me unrealistic expectations for the future: like having a wife who loves me & owning a dog.

My wife asked me if I was going to take a shower before we go to some friend’s house for the evening like she didn’t see me get in the pool.

please spread kale over my dumb organic gluten free casket

This is incredible Nothing has been reposted here all year!

My house looks like I’m losing a game of Jumanji.

I’m against plastic surgery, but it’s also horrifying what people are supposed to really look like.

Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye, Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you’re literally Hitler.

I won’t be getting any sex tonight but I beat level 15 on Bejeweled so its pretty much just as good.

A young boy’s life changed when he found out he could shoot a white sticky substance Only this young boy could also do it from his wrist. Hello spiderman.