Why did Jim Morrison cross the road? To break on through to the other side.

What is the best part of a blowjob? The 15 minutes of silence.

Did you know? Did you know that babies, fresh from the womb, can see all around them for 10 seconds…..after they’re decapitated

I am a good dancer.hilarious one. Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet.

Missed connections: I was the guy in the Subaru listening to NPR; You were the river I briefly considered driving into.

a jewish man told me this… Knock knock…

Twitter is the adult way of having imaginary friends.

They found a hole in the wall at the local prison The police are looking into it

I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done

I’m busy masturbating when my friend texts me “What’s up?” With my free hand I text “Nuttin’”