I’ve got a plan to get rid of the dollar Honestly, it makes a lot of cents

What’s a pirate’s favorite firework? M80

Where does a dog go when he loses his tail The dock.

What do you call a mutant with the power to get women pregnant Impregneato

There are two categories of people in this world, graceful and clumsy… I always seem to fall into the ladder

LPT: If you crash into a parked car and don’t have a paper and pen.. simply use a key to scratch your insurance details on to the bonnet.

Some guy called me a siren. It’s like he doesn’t even care that I do beeping noises & I can purr & moan & do like all the other sounds, too.

The families in Eggo commercials live in nice houses and appear wealthy. Why are they always fighting over one shitty frozen waffle?

Mints I was eating mint chocolates and I felt sick after eight.

Thor in San Francisco Thor arrives in San Francisco and proudly announces “I AM THOR!” I flamboyantly gay man looks at him and states “You’re thore? I’m tho thore I can hardly pith.”