Usually I’m quite good at telling Jokes, but sometimes i get excited and punchup the fuckline.

Helping my 5yo with his homework. Does anyone remember how to write the alphabet? Like with a pencil?

I swear, the next person who pisses me off will find out very quickly that my threats are empty.

How do you fix a broken Tuba? Tuba glue.

Last night I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor. At first I was afraid. I was petrified.

Why does lanolin oil smell exactly like cow semen? don’t ask me!

No, not bisexual, I said beesexual. I fuck bees.

I’m trying my best to give up using sexual innuendos…. But it’s SO hard.

Why does the ocean roar? You would too, if you had crabs on your bottom!

What do you call a group of homosexual lions? gay pride