Have you got a Masturbation addiction? Message me, and we can beat it together

You look like a before picture.

If you text your boss that you can’t come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn’t ask any questions.

Kermit and Miss Piggy never married. He has Kermitment issues.

What did number 2 say to number 1? you’re an odd fellow

Why did the french chef go to the police? Escargot stolen.

What can you tell your dog but not your girlfriend? Sit down and beg There are a million answers to this. Come on reddit, make my day better.

[Meeting girlfriend’s parents] Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks!

I just read a long article about Japanese sword fighters. If you want, I can samurais it for you.

What’s the difference between classical music and Barry white? A lot when you are having a prostate exam.