I consider myself Christlike in that I refuse to believe my parents ever had sex with each other.

What is Vladimir Putin’s favourite drink? White Russian, Straight

Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide!

The best way to get a job is to hold the other person’s hand through the interview. If you don’t get hired, no worries. You made a friend.

I just saw Avatar and I’ve got one thing to say: Blue Man Group ROCKED!

Why did the man smoke a cigarette in Beijing? To get some fresh air

Did you hear about the guy who swam the English Channel with no arms or legs? They call him… *’clever dick!’*

I retweet to avoid any awkward silences between tweets.

What do you call a joke about oral sex? Pun-ilingus.

Today’s date: 4/9/16 2 squares/3 squares/4 squares 4/9/16