A chemistry lab is like a giant party; Some people like dropping acid, others prefer dropping the base.

What do you call the ring that worms leave round the bath ? The scum of the earth !

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games? So that they can pack the defence!

Roses are red, here’s something new… Violets are violet. Not fucking blue.

I like dating black girls because…… …I hate meeting dads

If I had all the money, I would pay people to sneak up behind you and blast a bullhorn right before you hit send on a political tweet.

We have three types of friends in life: Friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime.

Did you hear about the guy who was half black and half Japanese? On every Dec. 7, he would attack Pearl Bailey.

Dumb one-liner of the day: I imagine veterinarians who treat ducks put up with a lot of undeserved grief.

What’s the difference between regular AIDS and north korean AIDS? Regular AIDS is incurable. North Korean AIDS is invincible!