[shady nighttime meeting at the aquarium] AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE: eels are already pretty slippery man ME: shut up and help me butter them

I asked my English GF if I could have sex with her sister today She said you can’t I said no you’re a cunt!

What do you call a fish with no eyes A fsh

A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were ready to check out, the deer didn’t have a buck, the skunk didn’t have a scent, so they put it all on the duck’s bill.

What does a woman want more than anything in the world? Nothing. She’s fine.

A cure has been found for homosexuality. Lip balm you rub it on your arsehole and it keeps the chaps away.

Judging by the number of hats on the hanger… …and the amount of shoes underneath, I am married to a three-headed spider.

Wanna hear a joke? A joke

Why couldn’t the bike stand on its own? It was two tired

What is a double amputee’s favorite video game? League of Leg ends.