What did Hamlet say when he was thinking of sending a message? To e or not to e that is the question.

Thinking of starting a website that auto-tweets when you j/o. “I’m the mayor of MY GARAGE on JERKSQUARE.”

Conjunctivitis.com Now that’s a site for sore eyes.

What do you call a pile of frog dung? Toad stools

*turns on the news* I wonder if things are getting better in the wor– tv: AN ALLIGATOR ATE A BABY

As I sit here naked in Hugh Jackman’s hotel room, it occurs to me that I might have mixed up my bucket list with my wife’s.

“Doctor” said the patient “I need help! I can’t stop acting like a cat!” “How long have you had this problem?” the doctor asked. “Lest’s see” said the patient “Mom had the litter in ’41

I like my women like I like my coffee. Aromatic and with a bit of foam floating at the top.

What do Engineers use as birth control? Their Personality.

A guy asks his grandmother… “Granny, have you seen my pills, they’re marked LSD”. Granny replies, “Fuck the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!”