Good thing most planes have TVs. Nothings worse than having to look out the window at Earths sacred majesty from the point of view of angels

A man dies in the desert next to a rock. How did he die? The rock is kyptonite and the man is superman.

There’s a lot to be said for having a long term girlfriend And it’s all said by her

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Don’t be silly, feminists don’t change anything.

Louis Lane “there is no way broccoli is a superfood!” Broccoli *takes spectacles off* Louis Lane “My God! Look, it’s a superfood!”

Satellite Radio. (Sirius Tweet)

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Grab onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job.

Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm’s law. It’s my P.S. de resistance.

Rick Santorum What’s the difference between Santorum and a feline-powered steam train? One’s a kitty shunt…

A termite walks into a bar… And asks, “Is the bartender here?”.