At a train station, struck up a convo with a friendly Indian couple waiting next to me. I asked the guy how old he was and he goes, “My wife is dirty and I’m dirty two.” No kiddin’ oh boy

why didn’t the bicycle cross the road? because it was two-tired.

What did the Zune say to the iPod? You da real MP3.

Dark humor never gets old. Just like children in Africa.

*Goes to bathroom *Reaches down to unzip *Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours *Starts wearing underwear

What’s the difference between jam and marmalade? (NSFW) You can’t marmalade your dick into your girlfriends ass

“Wow there are a lot of non-brown people in Gaza.” – anyone tuning into Ferguson coverage late

Your greatest puns! Please, I love puns. Lots of puns. Any kind. Bring em on!

wow, i thought what we had was special, you met my family and made me dinner, now you say you’re a “waiter” and you’re just “doing your job”

Is it ok to hate a certain race? I am fine with 5km races but marathons just do my head in.