I do the pee pee dance anytime I hear running water just like any other human.

Why did Marie Antoinette travel the world? Where else would she beheaded?

What’s black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron

Drug commercial just listed “death” as a possible side affect. Seems totally legit. Ask your doctor if possible death is right for you..

The mohel Q: Did you hear about the short sighted mohel? A: He got the sack.

“Jesus honey, I don’t know. How about a letter, a time of day, and something really Indian” – M. Night Shyamalan’s parents’ naming process

I tried to make a joke about unemployed people… But none of them work.

What do you call an overweight Scott Walker? Scott Waddler

Sea lions are faster than humans on both land and sea, so if you face one in a triathlon, you really need to make up time on the cycling.

Doctor: “Sir, the results are in. I’m afraid you have a serious case of 80s Rock Bands Alzheimer’s” Patient: “Oh my god. What is the cure??!”