Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong socks today

Why does the easter bunny hide all the eggs? Because he doesnt want anybody to know he is fucking the chicken.

Everyone should learn sign language It’s very handy

Met a girl at the park today. It just felt like there were sparks between us. And as we lay making love a short time later I thought “Damn, this taser was a good buy.”

Just clicked on an ad that said “Free Albums Here” But It linked to a download of a Nickelback album. Would have rather just gotten a virus.

The nice thing is that now that Ricky Martin has come out of the closet there’s enough room for Ryan Seacrest to stretch his legs in there.

Yeah baby, I’m the lead singer in a band. Well, more of a backing singer. More of a Drummer. Triangle player..Roadie. I Saw a band once.

Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman and behind her stands the surprised mother-in-law and behind her,your surprised Dad.

So I was reading about the Lucy fossil in National Geographic the other day and I have to admit, she looks kinda sexy… No homo tho.

College Jesus Jesus opens the fridge, one of his roommates asks: “is it wine yet”. Jesus says no it says ‘still water’