USS Constitution aged Q: What was the USS Constitution’s nickname after it started to rust? A: Old Iron Oxides This one just kind of popped into my head at work yesterday.

Gross. This salad tastes like pee and vegetables. Don’t ask me how I know what vegetables taste like.

What do you say when somebody calls you a pussy? ” You are what you eat! “

A cop pulled me over and said ‘papers’ I said ‘scissors’ and drove off. I win.

[blind date] OK don’t let her know you’re a remote control “Your eyes are beau- *sinks into seat crevice, lost for weeks* DAMMIT NOT AGAIN

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? [nsfw] The wheelchair.

Michael died while working at the clock factory. None of his friends were sad about it, they all said his time had come.

My favorite Irish Joke. Two Irish men walk out of a bar.

ME: my ideal first date? well to me it dosent matter wat we do as long as we share a conection JOB INTERVIEWER: i meant how soon can u start

What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions? An algorithm.